unmiserablecleveland.com

  • is so unmiserable it hurts.
  • is the city that sleeps just the right amount.
  • is plum happy to be here.
  • loves Taco Tuesdays.
  • is a bothsider.
  • bikes to work every day. Yes, even in winter.
  • doesn't get cold in winter, just awesome.
  • plays by the lake.
  • loves CLE Critical Mass.
  • would love to see a Euclid Beach Park rebirth.
  • can't get enough of one of the world's best orchestras.
  • = way rad.
  • has no grassy knoll (but some pretty incredible Metroparks).
  • loves plums.
  • wants a bratwurst from the West Side Market.
  • was made in 216. Really.
  • is so happy city enthusiasm has made the Cleveland Marathon a race to be reckoned with.
  • thinks the river caught fire just to get your attention.
  • appreciates enthusiasm.
  • hearts long walks on wholly underrated beaches.
  • will try Lake Erie surfing this fall.
  • would host the Olympics, but is a little busy right now.
  • would never be a free agent.
  • loves you too.
  • is home.
  • can't pick a best pizza because they're all pretty damned good.
  • enjoys having all four seasons.
  • plays outside in winter and summer.
  • rides a bike to work.
  • needs to visit A Christmas Story house (again) this year.
  • understands there's so much yet to do.
  • loves it here.
  • high-fives others who love it here too.
  • gets the veggie dog with chorizo chili.
  • enjoys rainy days at the art museum.
  • thinks Ian Hunter rocks as well.
  • believes in the power of innerburbs, uptowns and downtowns.
  • gets excited whenever How I Met Your Mother refers to Ted's NEO origins.
  • believes Liz Lemon actually does heart Cleveland as much as we do.
  • wouldn't mind the return of streetcars.
  • loves to travel the world and then come home to the best place in it.
  • owns, perhaps, too many shirts that mention a love for the city.
  • could probably make a killer plum pudding.
  • always knows which way is north.
  • is really pumped about Collinwood and Gordon Square going awesome.
  • likes to ride the bus all over town.
  • has so much to say.
  • should be in movies, don't you think?
  • will host a bread-pudding tour of Cleveland this fall.
  • has never been to a wig shop, but could tell you where to find one.
  • has a big lake as its backyard.
  • can totally swim to Canada.
  • kayaks the Cuyahoga.
  • wants to make you so freakin' unmiserable you cry. Happy tears.
  • loves Boston cream pie and plans to spark the revolution that changes its name.
  • feels a little too happy about Presti's bringing back doughnuts.
  • puts the eastside-westside battle aside.
  • crosses the river.
  • sees smart people.
  • has access to some pretty serious health care.
  • doesn't have to pretend getting ripped off on rent is OK.
  • loves architecture.
  • is home to an impressive collection of universities and other higher ed institutions.
  • digs a grid system.
  • loves all of NEO equally. Mostly.
  • thinks you choose to be happy (or not).
  • believes in the magic of a good bread pudding.
  • feels no shame in loving polka.
  • has been to the Cleveland-style Polka Hall of Fame.
  • hearts polkamaster DJ Kishka.

Happy New Year’s Cleve

Turns out CLE doesn’t actually wait until new year’s eve to roll out the red carpet for 2012. In fact, the party starts tonight.

T-minus two days
Old Brooklyn Cash Mob takes over Wexler’s Tavern (4555 State Rd) from 6-9 p.m. with its powerful infusion of cash into the very local economy. And then Touch SupperClub (2710 Lorain Ave) puts on its last BLKOUT (until summer) from 10 p.m. – 2 a.m., featuring music by Writhe (SF) and Justin Myilas.

West Side MarketA tasty start… or finish
If you’re anything like me, you’re raring to put 2011 in the history books. And what better way than to celebrate CLE food. So, I took Friday off work to hit the West Side Market for a Taste of Cleveland Food Tour at 11:30 a.m. The trip takes you through the market to meet its tenured vendors, learn its history and dig into some of its tastiest stops. Tickets are $42. Check out Taste of Cleveland Food Tours for all of their delicious trips in the city.

Gone to the Opry
The Concrete Cowboy (a.k.a. Clint Holley) kicks off Friday with classic country tunes at Happy Dog’s Ohio City Opry from 6-9 p.m.

Family-friendly Friday
Bring the whole fam to the Great Lakes Science Center (601 Erieside Ave) on Friday to get in on New Year’s Eve… Eve from 7-11:30 p.m. There’s carpet-skating, hovercraft snowman-building, fake snow-making, an OMNIMAX double feature and a 1,500-balloon drop countdown with ginger ale toast at night’s end. It’s $24/person, $20 for member.

Two ways to cycle it
Cleveland Critical Mass pushes off from Public Square Friday at 7 p.m. for a fresh ride around the city with a couple hundred of your closest friends.

We’ll ride rain or shine, but rumor has it Friday’s fixin’ to be mild and fab for pedaling. So, slap on some mittens, thermals and your helmet to ride into 2012 right! The trip ends at Mitzi Jerman’s Cafe (3840 St. Clair Ave) with a mid-ride pit-stop for a CCM massive picture with the Cleveland skyline, courtesy of Frank Lanza.

Not digging the cold? Stay inside for Ride Out 2011 at Psycle (24945 Detroit Ave). This spinning happy hour is 6-9 p.m. and features 2011′s best jams, as well as refreshments.

Take a rockabilly holiday
The 16th Annual Rockabilly Holiday kicks off at Beachland Ballroom (15711 Waterloo Road) at 8:30 p.m. with A-Train and the Steamers, 45 Spider and Scarlet Fever. DJ Hot Trash and Wolfboy Slim spin records before and between sets. Grab bags greet you at the door (one winner gets tickets to Reverend Horton Heat). It’s $6 for all ages.

Fireworks surround Terminal Tower in ClevelandNew Year’s (Cl)EVE(land)
There’s no sense in reinventing the wheel. For a pretty extensive listing of NYE festivities, including Nautica Queen cruise, Cleveland Pops Orchestra, Sergio’s SARAVA, Snow Year’s Eve at Progressive Field, Great Lakes’ Brew Year’s Eve, Grog Shop Bash, First Night Akron and a whole host of events — from family-friendly to fancy-pants — check out FTC’s CLE New Year’s Eve parties, packages and events.

The listing includes evening parties, as well as daytime activities around NEOhio. There’s also NYEving happening at Dragonfly (1865 West 25th) and Touch Supper Club (2710 Lorain Ave). Plus, CLE band Gypsy Relic plays House of Blues (308 Euclid Ave) at 8:30 p.m.

The Studio Cleveland (1395 West 10th) rings in the new year with consciousness, beginning with vinyasa flows throughout the day, partner yoga at 6 p.m., potluck at 8 p.m., Kirtan, drumming, meditation and, of course, spontaneous combustion after 2012 strikes.

ALSO: Woo Who Foundation’s NYE Bash rocks out the Ohio City Sonic Temple (2831 Franklin Blvd) from 6 p.m. – 2 a.m. with local tunes by The Feedbacks, Filmstrip! and Oldboy, among others. There will also be full bar, temple tours, games, raffles, photos, appetizers and live entertainment. Tickets for the whole night are $50 presale/$65 day-of (includes heavy appetizers and open bar); $25 tickets after 10 p.m. include open bar.

Start 2012 fresh and… full
So, how are you going to feel when you wake up Sunday morning? Well, save a little umph to get out of the house before 2 p.m. Tommy’s Coventry (1824 Coventry Rd) holds its annual New Year’s Day Pancake Breakfast to benefit HeightsArts, from 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. It’s $10 for adults, $5 for kids under 5.

Not into pancakes? Swing by Happy Dog from 1-4 p.m. for the Biscuits and Gravy New Year’s Day Brunch.

Start 2012 fresh and… fast
If you’re really into starting 2012 right, consider joining Vertical Runner at the Cuyahoga Valley National Park Boston Store stop for the 14th Annual New Year’s Day Group Run. Legs start moving at 8 a.m. Bring some leftover goodies and something to drink after this 6-7 miler.

Start 2012 fresh and… kinda frozen
Ever see those crazy people who jump into Lake Erie on New Year’s day? Well, I so want to be one of them this year. No kidding! The Cleveland Triathlon Club hosts the 8th Annual Polar Bear Swim at 11:30 a.m. on New Year’s Day at Hunting Beach in Bay Village. It’s $8 for CTC members, $12 sans membership, and it comes with a T-shirt and one heckuva start to the new year. After the chill: party moves to Westlake Panini’s.

Start 2012 fresh and… fun
Benefits for DJ Jonathan Toubin, best known for his “New York Night Train” DJ series, (he’s in critical condition after a runaway cab crashed into his Portland hotel room as he slept) are happening all over the country, including Sunday night’s Soul Meeting at Beachland Ballroom (15711 Waterloo Road). DJs Hot Trash, Party Sweat, Al!ght (tom D), Mr. Fishtruck, Charles McGraw, Count Birdbrain and Pops start spinning at 8 p.m. There will be raffles and prizes, with 100% of proceeds benefitting the injured DJ.

Start 2012 fresh and… fanatical
Let’s be optimistic: CLE sports is delivering a 1-2 punch on Sunday with Browns vs. Steelers at 1 p.m., followed by Cavaliers vs. New Jersey Nets at 6 p.m. Stop by CLE Clothing (342 Euclid Ave) or Native Cleveland (15813 Waterloo Road) Thursday or Friday to catch some fanatical CLE gear for the games!